Kyle Dreier - Mr. Critical

Is there a minimum criteria for what should be a pleasant culinary experience. I’m talking about graham crackers. If cardboard is the bar that is set for generic graham crackers then I’ve found the closest thing to that measure.

Feel free to pity me and my lack of understanding when with great anticipation I sat down with a 2 inch stack of Kroger brand graham crackers, a talk cold glass of low fat milk (like that’s going to make any difference in this particular sitting) and a remote control only to learn that this particular variety of graham cracker is by far the most inferior version of itself. (Is that a run on sentence, or what!?)

Let me just say that texture, or lack thereof, was just the beginning. There are certain things I can tolerate and was willing to do so in this situation. However, when it came to putting the tensile strength of these grahams to the test it was overly apparent that these grahams didn’t cut the mustard, or the milk.

What’s my expectation of a graham cracker when introduced to a pool of milk? For one, I expect the graham cracker, when combined with two or three of its kinfolk, to have the strength to withstand a 3-5 second dunk without any casualties. The absorption rate is as important as the strength to sustain the added weight. I contend that the Kroger brand of graham cracker is as effective as washing dishes with a Kleenex.

So, the question now is this … what is the better graham cracker. If memory serves me correctly Nabisco. But, this will have to be researched further.

- Kyle Dreier

Who is Mr. Critical? I’d like to think it’s more than just me. But, the Mr. Cynical part of me tends to think that no one else looks at life’s surroundings with as much care as I. (I or me?)

Watch me. I always have an opinion. I also always reserve the right to be wrong. Witness my imperfection. See me struggle with how I articulate my thoughts as well as how I spell my words. Humor is often found in the pain and suffering of others.

One thing for sure, I don’t make any claim on being perfect. Nor do I make any claim on being above anyone else. What I do hold true though is that there is always room for improvement. I’ll be the first to say I could use plenty.

I AM Mr. Critical.

-Kyle Dreier