A technique suitable for children (and dogs).

I can’t tell you how often I will say a command to my children multiple times. “Please put your toys in the toy box. Put your toys in the tox box. Toys. Box. Now.”

One rare occasions when I’ve got my wits about me I make a conscious effort to say what I want one time, and if it’s not followed with obedience then I take action in the form of consequences. In our house, consequences look like separation from the others for a few minutes (aka “time out”) or loss of a privilege like TV for a day or no dessert after dinner.

I’ve observed other parents who will ask their child to do something and the child does not respond. This starts the process of “by the time I count to 3…” which then becomes the norm. I’ve told myself I’m not going to do this. But, what I’ve found is that I am asking my children to do something over and over. No more. I’m tired of my behavior and how that affects my children’s behavior.

Yep, I’m taking responsibility.

We were having issues with our dogs a number of years ago. They wouldn’t come when we said “Come! Come here. Daisy, come come come!” We hired a “Behavior Specialist” to consult. She made it very clear that she wasn’t here to change the dogs behavior, but change our behavior.

I’m convinced our frustration with our children when they don’t listen is due to our lack of consistency and consequences. They’re only doing what we’ve allowed them to do. My behaviour must change.
- Kyle Dreier

In an attempt to raise courteous, respectful and well mannered boys I find myself working to get them to look into the eyes of adults when they are either speaking or listening. As I do this, just like many other things about parenting, I find myself more aware of my eye contact with others.

I realize this might be asking a bit from a 5 year old and a 3 year. To be honest, I think we don’t expect enough of our children … at least in the area of manners.
The other day I’m at the grocery store picking up a few things. I’m a little appalled and my own behavior. Somewhere along the way I’ve gotten into the habit of making it more important for me to look at my change, my receipt, etc. With a small conscious effort I can look up at the eyes of the cashier and say “thank you” or “have a good day.”
I think it’s the little things that make a difference in one’s day. I know I feel much more appreciated and respected when someone makes an effort to slow down enough to look me in the eyes. Just think about all the junk some people have to deal with each day. Why not share a look in their eyes with a smile and a few nice words.
Now that I’m getting better at this I think my next step is to simply ask their name, or read their name tag and use their name. People love to be called by their name. Don’t you?
I do.

-Kyle

This past weekend I was involved in showing some of my photography at an arts festival at church. You can see my art at www.dreier.com. During the weekend there was a dance program as well. I figured it’d be a typical dance recital … cute but no real depth to the program. Boy was I surprised. Not only was it really cute, but it was a fantastically executed production. And, aside from the wonder technical aspect it was incredibly worshipful. I was not prepared for that. There was a narrative throughout and the dancers were from 3 to 60 years old.

The 2 hour program was just beyond any words. Even watching it later on DVD didn’t do it justice. I was fortunate to be there with camera in hand. I took nearly 350 photos. I’ve pulled these 5 just for the motion and mystery they convey. I was very moved by the program, the message and the visual color and motion. I hope these convey a little of that to you.

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Thank you Fellowship School of Dance for a very moving program. I have a whole new respect for this art.

- Kyle Dreier

In the past few weeks we’ve ventured into that daunting circle of “no sugar.” We know it’s best for our boys and our own health but it sure makes finding something to eat difficult. All this comes about due to some heightened yeast levels and some breathing issues scattered between the 5 of us.
For a variety of reasons we are taking a relatively radical approach to our diet. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the grass a cow eats and 10 being a 7 course meal at Crispy Creme, we were probably at about a 5 or so. We didn’t have every variety of Captain Crunch in the pantry. We didn’t, to my chagrin, have a week’s supply of cherry Pop-Tarts either. We did, however, enjoy Easter candy in moderation. An occasional Frappucinno was always good for the soul as well. For now, it’s out with all the candy, all the white refined preserved nitrated badness. That includes flour.

Now that I’m more aware of what’s in the foods I put in my body I’m amazed at the sugar levels in somethings. What I have yet to learn is whether the 22 grams of sugar in an 8 oz glass of blueberry juice is the same as the 30+ grams of sugar in a Coke. Is “sugar” sugar? You’d think that drinking juice would be OK, but all that sugar.

This will simply be a story that unfolds over time. For now, I’m just going to sit here and finish my mixed greens with diced up steak covered with Tamri (sp?) and a dab of blue cheese dressing.

Oh, did I also mention we’re “off” dairy? Stay tuned.

-Kyle Dreier

Although I’ve given myself the “Mr Critical” moniker I find that so many times the mirror is a better tool for judging. I get to see how short I fall and how imperfect I am – contrary to my own lofty opinion of myself.

Well, today I’m reminded of a phrase my brother shared with me when I was complaining endlessly about my work back in the early ’90’s at American Airlines. (By the way, this is why I don’t like strikes and unions. But that’s another blog entry.) He, with a dose of love and a dose of get-over-it said I need to “talk with my feet.”

Talking with my feet was more about walking out the door than anything with that particular situation. I eventually did and started my life long career of “self-unemployment” as a friend once put it.

Recently I’ve been fortunate to have an experience where I had every opportunity to be critical or maybe a better word would be analytical. Most likely a combination of the two. Rather than stall what I was feeling in my heart with over thinking or paralysis by analysis I choose to heed to words of my brother and use my feet … action.

Life sure would have been easier had I sat back and simply analyzed and critiqued others who had chosen to act, but I’m finding great pleasure in taking action and not looking back.

I’ve used this quote many times in the past few months but it’s so true to how I feel.

“The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” – Walt Disney

Action is not easy. Action is not safe. Action opens me up to criticism. But, action accomplishes. Action serves. Action is fulfilling.

So, the next time you see me using my mouth more than my feet, encourage me to talk with my feet.

Nothing beats getting a little slice of time out with my wife. The only way to it could be better is with sushi. So we ended up at Ken’s in Nashville. I’d say Ken’s is on my top three of sushi restaurants in Nashville.

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That pretty much sums it up.

- Kyle Dreier

My two older boys are at an age where when I hear them call “Daddy!” from the bathroom it’s followed with “Come wipe my bottom!”

My middle child is barely 3 and has been making great strides in being more independent in the “going potty” category. For Amy and me it’s music to our ears when we hear him call from the bathroom.

Tonight he calls “Daddy!” from the bathroom and I jump from my room to shower him with praise and offer a hand in helping finish the presumed job. However, when I open the bathroom door I find him standing on a step-stool and declaring he pottied on the floor to which I responded “Where it is?” Without missing a beat he simply informs me “You’re standing in it.”

That’s a small glimpse of my reality these days. I’m sure I’ll miss “the good ole days” before I know it.
- Kyle Dreier

I always think I’m pretty good about staying clutter-free. Brian Small asked me about my work environment so I fired off a few quick photos to send him. Little did I know this simple exercise would turn into a blog entry about how much clutter I allow myself to work within.

Looking at this photos I’m seeing my space in a completely objective light. I’m looking at this and thinking “what a trash heap!” I guess it’s time for Mr. Critical to start looking in the mirror more.

Between stuff piling up to sell on eBay, boxes for shipping, art work without a home, large photo print tests, … the list goes on. I can’t believe how packed and disheveled this place looks. Maybe these photos will act as a motivation and a “before” representation for some uncluttering to happen here shortly.

Stay tuned.

- Kyle Dreier